+ Confidence: What has really struck me lately is the battering my personal confidence has taken. It's something I haven't noticed before but, for me at least, a lot of my self-confidence, my self-worth, is tied to my work and before that, my academic record.

It's perfectly normal. While on the relationship front I have an abysmal confidence level and atrocious taste in men, I have adapted to these conditions. What I haven't adapted to is what happens to my actual self-confidence when you take away all that makes me a competent person - my work. I'm great at what I do, I'm confident and adaptable and yes dammit, smart. I delight in my talent. But what happens when I lose such a badge of honour? Common sense dictates that nothing has changed; I am who I am, with or without a job. But the endless rounds of implicit rejections are getting to me, even though I've been assured by all and sundry it's purely the workings of an evil recession, but still. I'm starting to question my worth not just as a professional but as a person.

Which is silly, and wrong and I'm working hard to correct it. But there you go!

+ Tummy tricks?: Completely different topic, but can anyone suggest a good exercise/diet routine for getting rid of tummies? I've got heaps of time on my hands so I figure it's now or never - I've gained heaps of weight (about 6%) since I started working hard core hours at work and suspect most of it has gone to my tummy. ;-(

While most of my clothes still fit, they're getting a bit tight. So, any suggestions as to where to start?

Booyah! I just changed my ticket to return to London on Friday. Next Friday.

It must be the right decision, b/c I'm over the moon. So happy! All the stupidity of the last couple of months is already melting away.

*punches air some more*

Title: For Whom The Bell Tolls
Characters/Pairings: Nathan/Claire, Peter/Claire (implied)
Rating: NC-17
Written for: sinverguenza, as part of the Spring heroes_exchange.
Wordcount: 1,350
Spoilers: Season 3, but AU from 3.24
Warnings: Angst, Incest
Disclaimer: Do not own Heroes, because Tim Kring and NBC do.
A/N: It was a battle to get it done, but it's done. Hope it didn't disappoint sinverguenza too much!

Summary: "Her life is burning before her eyes, but Claire knows she’s powerless to stop it."

( Her life is burning before her eyes, but Claire knows she’s powerless to stop it. )

Stolen from everyone on my flist.

Name your 10 absolutely favorite couples (het/slash/canon/fanon) and ask people to see what trends they notice about your couples. Try to pick different fandoms.

harry/hermione (harry potter)
peter/claire (heroes)
veronica/logan (veronica mars)
sam/jack (stargate sg-1)
angel/cordy (angel)
mulder/scully (the x-files)
chuck/sarah (chuck)
draco/hermione (harry potter)
justin/rebecca (brothers and sisters)
daniel/betty (ugly betty)

A very diverse list. Go!

Color Genics thingy stolen from a few people from my flist.

This is what it had to say about me. It is, as others have found, freakishly accurate.

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

Crikey! True, true and very true. Hmmmm.

Source

1. I finally got around to looking at the heroes_het_fic courtesy of a link from paynesgrey. (I have been MIA from fandom for a while!). Anyway, I'm taking the opportunity to pimp myself because, you know, I can!

(Running paire_awards means that I could never do or say or squee about anything, so yay for behaving like a normal fangirl!)

2. In other fandom news, I am actually signed up for the heroes_exchange. But I wish to sincerely apologise to the person who is going to receive my story. I'm struggling to get something down onto paper (computer) and it doesn't look good, at all. The more I re-read it the more s**t it becomes. Meh.

3. I saw Wolverine and contrary to popular opinion, I really liked it. I'll review it fully later, but I think I liked it b/c I wasn't a fan of the comics. So the disconnect between them and the movie (which is in keeping with the continuity of the X-Men movies, more or less) didn't bother me at all. I didn't know what Deadpool or Gambit was meant to be like. Heck, I don't care that Wolverine in the comics is a comparative (though musclely) midget.

The most common opinion I hear from girls who've seen the movie though? "Ryan Reynolds. So. Hot." LOL LOL. RR is officially my no.1 fan love! So I'm so psyched to hear about the Deadpool movie. I really hope they make him all pretty and hot (and pretty hot).

4. Star Trek: Wah. No one wants to see it with me. I'm far from being a Trekkie (or Trekker? I have no idea, sorry dudes) but just want to see Zach Quinto and John Cho and spaceships blowing up. Yes I am a geek. Did ye not know that by now?

I'm not convinced that when Bryan Fuller read this Kring-penned script that he didn't go, "Hmmm. I like it, but ..."

Because that's just how I felt about it. As an episode, there was nothing wrong with it. But as a season and volume finale? A little bit lame, especially if you compare it to gems like Chuck vs. The Ring (Chuck's Season 2 ender) (now that's how you do a season final!).

( Anyway, I did like certain parts of it )

This meme sounds super fun. And I am in mucho need of fun these days!

Ask any character I've written for advice, and they will provide it, advice columnist style. Your problems or fictional characters' problems both welcome. Management is not responsible for the results of following said advice (especially if provided by supervillains).

Fire away!

Tagged by rtwofan. Yay for something to do other than stew in own misfortunes! Tagged for Peter Petrelli.

1. Do you like this character?

Are you kidding me? I love Peter. Peter is THE character for me. If Peter disappeared from the Heroesverse, I'd leave, no ifs or buts.

( More Peter questions this way )

Title: "Home"
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,642
Characters: Peter/Claire (canon), Claire/Alex (implied)
Summary: After she loses Nathan's protection, Claire is free to run back to the only person who's ever made her feel safe.
Spoilers: AU after 3.17
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, just borrowing from NBC and Tim Kring. I am not profiting financially from this. Please don’t sue!
Author’s Notes: Written after 3.17; my version of what Claire might have done after helping Alex at the comic book store.

( She doesn’t mean to sound so broken or frightened, but he has a way of getting under her skin. )

Title: "Home"
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,642
Characters: Peter/Claire (canon), Claire/Alex (implied)
Summary: After she loses Nathan's protection, Claire is free to run back to the only person who's ever made her feel safe.
Spoilers: AU after 3.17
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, just borrowing from NBC and Tim Kring. I am not profiting financially from this. Please don’t sue!
Author’s Notes: Written after 3.17; my version of what Claire might have done after helping Alex at the comic book store.

( She discovers how their emotions play off each like two counterpoints in a melody. )

Watched He's Just Not That Into You today. Was surprisingly enjoyable given all the so-so reviews I've read, but then suspect my enjoyment of the movie was due to a) me being a girl and b) the movie bearing a passing semblance to my life atm.

I suspect if I apply these two things to my philosophy, my life would be a lot less hassle:

1. If a guy wants to date you, he will. At least, he'll make his interest known to you.

2. You are the rule, unless you're the exception.

Of course, these rules are over-simplified and are subject to adaptation to the particularls of any situation. Let's see whether I can live by that for a while and stop the over thinking BS I've been indulging in for the past month!

Ooooh, yes! S1 Heroes is back!

( Quick and dirty review )

I'm sure this is all over the interwebs, but apparently Amazon.com accidentally leaked the first episode of Volume 4 yesterday! A few lucky people have seen it and provided screen captures. Obviously, do not click if you don't want to be spoiled!

(Can't download from amazon.com if you live outside the US. Drat!)

Can't make it into work today b/c of snow - trains likely cancelled (not that I know, the website and phone lines are down!). Boss texted me to say don't bother as almost everything is cancelled on the line I usually catch. Hurrah!

Played in the snow last night and this morning - flatmates probably laughing at me for being so excited about snow. But I've never lived in a place that snowed before! Everything is so white and pretty ... there's something about snow that so achingly beautiful, isn't it?

To quote Hamlet (do not have the scene reference with me):

Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens
To wash it white as snow? ...

Yeah, just what the title says. Happy Australia Day to all my Aussie flisters.

It's also Chinese New Year, so big double for me. Unfortunately not being in HK means I don't get the cash benefits, but eh, I guess that's not the point, is it?

In other news, my weekend was chockablock (sp? I've never written this word before). Feel very distracted and accomplished.

( List of activities )

A reminder to my flist that the paire_awards are going great guns and if you haven't nominated your favourite fics/authors yet, please do so soon! Nominations are filling up quick and fast as people have been really quick on the draw this year!

Now warning, blatant self-pimpage ahead: I'm going to copy the major studios and ask you to consider nominating the following fics that are nearest and dearest to my heart.

For your consideration:
"Obsession" Peter/Claire, (NC-17)
[Not eligible for the Adult Fic category as it won last year but eligible in all other categories]
"Sub Rosa" Peter/Claire; Claire/Nathan (NC-17)

Other fics that I believe are eligible (but haven't been nominated) include:

"In Plain Sight" (PG-13) Peter/Claire
"Tomorrow Peter/Claire
"Sacrifice" (Drabble) Peter/Claire
"Red" (Drabble) Peter/Claire

/end self-pimpage!

Title: "In Plain Sight"
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,343
Characters: Peter/Claire (canon)
Summary: Christmas at the Petrellis, with Claire and Peter enjoying each other's company in front of the fire. It's a simple, but treasured, moment.
Spoilers: Everything to Volume 3, speculation for Volume 4.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, just borrowing from NBC and Tim Kring. I am not profiting financially from this. Please don’t sue!
Author’s Notes: Written for summer_cities as part of heroes_exchange as a response to the prompt: A Petrelli Christmas.

( Instinctively I reach out just as he takes my hand in his, our entwined hands bridging the chasm that will always exist between us. )